


G8 Summit

by VivaHetalia (Labracadabrador)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Labracadabrador/pseuds/VivaHetalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>China's babysitting the micronations, Germany's trying to pass a climate change bill, Russia's humming the Internationale, America's threatening diplomatic reprisals for anyone who interrupts him and England thinks he drew the short end of the stick, having to host this stupid Summit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	G8 Summit

China hated G8 Summits.

Well, actually, he hated all world meetings. Those loud westerners were so brash and irresponsible with money, and America in particular was so incompetent that China wondered how the Cold War hadn’t turned into an all-out nuclear disaster. He much preferred the company of his own people or, failing that, other Asian nations like Vietnam and Taiwan. Japan could also provide good hospitality, although his mere presence gave China bad memories. South Korea... let’s not even mention him.

Anyway, the point was that China absolutely detested being made to sit in a room full of Nations bickering about whose food was best or coming up with ridiculous plans to solve the problems they had caused in the first place. Every time the respective political heads of state called a meeting, they brought their Nations along to a separate meeting in the hope that maybe, just maybe, the Nations themselves could sort out a couple of the more minor problems without them having to intervene. (When a solution was proposed by a personification of a country, it was a surefire way to tell that it would be a success with the people of said country when implemented. That was why Germany and Japan had such good economies.)

It. Never. Worked.

What schedule there was always degenerated into petty fighting, mixed with flirting (if France was there) and Russia sitting there in the background exuding his demonic aura and making anyone that sat next to him fear for their lives. As they usually sat in geographical order, that unlucky person was China more often than not.

So you’d think that China might enjoy the G8, the one world conference that he wasn’t actually invited to. No such luck - he still had to go to the city that held the summit, because his boss said it would improve political relations. He just got saddled with babysitting all the other nations and micronations that weren’t allowed in. Something about him being a calm and mature influence because of his age. Yeah, right.

“Sealand, get back here right this instant or I swear I will pull England out of the conference to give you a good talking to!” Switzerland obviously wasn’t happy at Sealand, who had dressed up in a pirate outfit and was attempting to clamber out the window onto the flagpole outside. Why, China didn’t know, but it may have had something to do with the fact that it was a Union Jack flying and the sword Sealand carried looked capable of cutting it right off.

Normally, Switzerland wouldn’t have given a donkey’s about this, but Liechtenstein was watching the scene with a slightly awed, slightly dreamy look like a girl with her first crush. Not good news for Switzerland.  
China tried to ignore the progressively louder shouts, interspersed with Sealand’s yells of “Na, na na na na, you can’t catch me!”, and briefly wished that they had been allowed weapons into the Summit building. If Switzerland had had his gun, Sealand wouldn’t dare to go up against it with only a sword.

...Wait, if they weren’t allowed weapons, how did he even have a sword? It was probably smuggled in, then.

China’s eyes flicked to the most likely culprits, who were watching the scene with obvious amusement. Prussia, Spain, Romano and Mexico were sitting together at one of the tables in the enormous room, playing some card game. They had paused it to watch Sealand’s antics, although China could see Prussia peeking at Romano’s cards out of the corner of his eye.

Next to them, sprawled out on the floor, North Italy was taking a siesta, as it was early afternoon.

...Wasn’t he part of the G8 though?

“Italy!” The door opened to reveal an irritated Germany who marched in, seemingly unaware that everyone had gone silent and was staring at him. He went up to the snoozing North Italy, grabbed his arm - to a sleepy “Huh? Germany...” - and marched back out the room with Italy slumped over his back, still sleeping. The door shut forcefully behind them, and the buzz of conversation returned as if nothing had happened at all.

Prussia cackled at the utterly murderous look Romano was shooting at the closed door, before putting a card down triumphantly and laughing again as the killer look was turned on him. Spain took this moment to ruffle Romano’s hair and tell him that “You look really cute when you’re angry, Roma!”

The thunderous explosion of cursing made China want to stick his fingers in his ears, though he was mature enough not to do so. Romano, once he had exhausted his extensive vocabulary, threw down his cards in irritation and stormed off in a huff. Spain whispered something to Mexico in Spanish and Mexico nodded his head in agreement.

China eyed Romano’s path of destruction warily, lest the Italian nation come anywhere near the small table where he was sitting. He ran out of steam a few metres from the circle of chairs where Seychelles and all the African chibis that had attended were playing children’s games, and China saw Romano hesitate before turning back and rejoining the card table. Mexico looked a little put out, but passed some money to Spain under the table. Prussia just laughed harder.

“Heeeeeeeeey, sexy laaaaydaaay!” Oh god no.

South Korea came bounding up to China and latched onto his right arm. China tried to shake him off, to no avail.

“Big brother, I’m booooored. Nobody’s taaaalking to me.”

“Go away, I’m not interested.”

“But Japan’s not here and Taiwan and Vietnam didn’t come and I feel really awkward hanging around all the Africans so I can’t talk to Seychelles and Old Switzy threatened to shoot my butt off if I talked to Lichtenstein! You’re the closest thing to a girl I have! You gotta help me practice my smoooth moooves, yeah?”

“Look, I am really not in the mood to deal with you at the moment; I have a headache. Go talk to your brother or something. At least he’s quiet.” South Korea looked a little hurt by this.

“Aww, c’mon, you can’t possibly prefer North, he’s totally wacko! Besides, he’s not even here. His boss refused to let him come to the meeting, yeah?”

“Talk to Hungary then, she’s a girl. She’s right there.” China pointed - or tried to, but South Korea was still attached to his arm.

“Aww, pleeease, Shiny Chiny? I, like, invented talking so you’d be getting lessons from the best!”

“No. Talk to Hungary. And whatever you do, do not sing that awful song to her. I don’t think she likes K-pop.”

“How can anyone not like K-pop? I invented it, yeah! In fact, I invented everything that’s any good so everyone should just make me supreme overlord of everything!” China got up from his seat and slowly but surely began to drag South Korea across the room, over to where Hungary was having a picnic with Austria. She had noticed the two and was slowly edging away, her face looking like she was weighing up the pros and cons of running now and possibly getting a head start.

“Biiig Brooother, I don’t wanna talk to Hungary, she’s not sexy at all!” China gulped, hoping to any god that might be out there that Hungary hadn’t heard that. By the way she was now brandishing a picnic basket like a weapon and advancing menacingly, China guessed she had.

He just managed to dislodge South Korea from his arm, give him a push towards Hungary so he stumbled a little, and run for his life. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  
China ran past the circle of children playing pass-the-parcel, past the table where Argentina and Chile were talking rapidly in an odd dialect and playing a game with counters, and all the way to the other side of the room. It was much quieter here. In fact, it was colder too. The tables down this end of the room were all empty - while it gave China some much-needed peace, it also set him on edge a little.

“Hello! Who are you?”

China jumped and spun around to see a little chibi in an orange jumpsuit peering out from under one of the tables. His first thought was that Japan had gone on an anime binge again and started dressing up the Africans in Naruto cosplay, but then he remembered Japan wasn’t here (lucky him). This chibi nation was also very pale-skinned, with pale blue eyes and hair white as snow.

“Not many people come down this way. You’re the first person to come see me all evening!”

China racked his brain to think who the nation might be. Oh, this was embarrassing...

“Do you have a nation guardian? Where are they?” The chibi smiled brightly.

“Oh yeah! I came here with America! He’s not here though...” America, America... which country was relatively underdeveloped and affiliated with America? Maybe that one above him, Canadia or something... but no, he was developed enough to attend the G8!

“Are you sure you want to stay here all alone?”

“Yup. I’m used to it. It’s too hot and noisy up there. But I like you, you’re nice. Stay with me a little?” The nation extended his (or her, you couldn’t really be sure) hand. China bent down and took it.  
The nation’s skin felt freezing cold, and China had to fight back a flinch. So he was an arctic country, then. Svalbard, maybe? No, if Svalbard came to the meeting he’d do so with Norway. Obviously not Russia or Cana-whatsit. China settled on Greenland.

“Umm, are you okay? You feel really warm. Do you have a fever?” Greenland, if that was the nation, had a frown on his face.

“No, I'm fine. Are you sure you don't want to play with all the other little nations?”

Instantly the chibi’s grip tightened to the point where it was almost painful.

“What did you just call me?” The words were spat out in a freezing whisper of wind. The air temperature around China fell by about ten degrees and he shivered violently. Then, it was gone as soon as it had come and China honestly thought he might have imagined it.

“I’m not really little though, I’m the second biggest country in the whole entire world!”

Was Greenland the second biggest country? China didn’t think so, but he didn’t want to say so in front of the chibi and get another negative reaction. The ‘adorable’ boy under the table was beginning to creep him out.

“Oh, I just realised we haven’t said hello properly! I’m Antarctica. What’s your name?”

“China.” He tried to pull his hand back so he could leave, but the chibi hung on.

“Is that near Russia? Russia’s really close to my heart ‘cause he’s like me!” Well, the kid (who now looked cuter than Chibitalia in a dress) certainly reminded China of Russia.  
“It’s quite near Russia, yes. It’s also near Japan. Do you know where Japan is?”

The child’s grip tightened again, and the aura of cold was back. China tried to shake him off, but he couldn’t. It was like his whole hand had been encased in ice.

“I don’t like Japan. I just wish Japan would freeze ‘cause he’s bad, bad, bad.”

“I-”

“If you like Japan then I wish you would freeze too. Murderers. Slaughterers of my poor whales. Go away. Don’t come anywhere near me.” Despite this, Antarctica did not let go. With strength nearly impossible for a child his size, he pulled China to his knees and whispered like screaming, icy wind.

“One day, General Winter and I am going to freeze you all again, and then the Ice Age will last forever.”

China balked. He yanked his hand back - there was a snapping sound and a jolt of pain, but he was an emerging superpower, he did it - and he ran.

Once he was back at the other end of the room, he stopped to catch his breath and look at his hand. It was already healing, the bones snapping back into the right place. He grimaced as he wondered what crisis would affect his economy as a cost for the healing.

“Are you alright, Brother? You look like Russia tried to jump you again.” Mongolia, a teenager with a concerned face with a tiny frown, wandered over. China waved him off.

“It’s fine. I simply need to sit down for a while, aru.” He’d been trying to get rid of that little speaking tic ever since Japan had said he thought it sounded hilarious. Evidently, the stress had brought it back.

China went over to the table where he had sat before, only to find it occupied by one Sealand and one Scotland, both dressed up in ridiculous costumes, and from the looks of things attempting to have a swordfight. Scotland looked a little drunk.

“Avast, ye scurvy swab! I’ll make ye walk the plank and maroon ye!” Scotland was dressed in a red cape and a hat, which China recognised as England’s. (He shivered as dark memories briefly washed over him.) The Scotsman also held a fake hook in his right hand and a blunted sword in his left. Despite the threats he was clearly enjoying it.

“Only if you catch me first, you old git!” Sealand dodged every swipe of the sword and kept laughing. He was dressed in simple green clothing way too big for him (China didn’t recognise it), with a green hat that had a red feather stuck in it. “And I am an island, you know, so marooning me wouldn’t do any good!” Sealand ducked to avoid a sideways blow and spun around for another strike with his dagger.  
The clashing of metal on metal echoed through the room, and Prussia gave Sealand a yell of encouragement. Sealand nodded back at him, standing on the table, before his eyes went wide as Scotland knocked his feet out from under him. He fell over onto the floor, a little sparkle of magic surrounding him that slowed his fall so he didn’t get hurt.

“Oy! No fair, old man! I should cut off your other hand for that! Give it to another crocodile, I would!”

China gave up waiting for them to stop using his table and went away to find another one. With a sigh, he sat down next to the three Baltics, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. They stopped their conversation to look at him, a little warily.

“Uh, hello China.” Estonia gave a half-hearted smile. “Haven’t seen you in um... a while. We don’t... we don’t really see each other much nowadays, do we?” He stared at China with a little bit of fear.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s just so much chaos... I came over here to find some quiet.” China kept his voice low and head down. Lithuania smiled a little more genuinely.

“Well, we think the same. It’s nice to have another nation who isn’t Ru-... isn’t threatening. Right, Latvia?”

“Mhm! Yeah, it’s nice to get some peace and quiet, just to talk together among friends!”

"...I wonder what the G8 are talking about in this meeting?"

"Um, I'm not actually sure... I think Germany was talking about a new deal on climate change..."

"...That's not going to happen."

"No."

"Nope."

"Of course not."

* * *

"Alright guys! So Barry says I we all need to start cutting our emissions down more - haha, I said emissions LOL, whatevs, but you guys all need to-"

England yawned. France was half asleep. Germany had abandoned them to go look for the missing Italy and America had taken over the lead. It wasn't going well.

"-So anyway I've thought up this brilliant solution! Woo, endless free power! Wait for it guys... this is sooo epic you're never gonna believe it; you're gonna kick yourself, guys? Hey guys? Hey Japan, you're with me right?"

"Yes America-san, I am listening carefully to everything you say." It was hard to tell the difference between Japan's serious tone and his deadpan sarcasm, which he had got extraordinately good at lately.

"Great! So here's the plan. We need more energy, right? And heat is a type of energy. And the world is getting hotter. Soooo... this is awesome... we use the extra heat from global warming to power our countries! We can cut emissions AND cool down the planet at the same time! It's such an obvious-"

Russia started humming. Loudly. About two seconds later, America broke off his speech with a glare.

"Don't do that! I don't wanna hear your stupid anthem you commie! I was talking!"

"Oh? I'm sorry, you were not very loud, Amerika. I did not hear speech, da?" He resumed humming.

"GAH! Why are you even humming that one? That's the Soviet one; it's not even your anthem! Stop it!"

"Ah, but it is my anthem. Yeltsin just changed words. Hm hmmm, hmm hm hmmm hmmmmmm,"

"NO HUMMING WHILE I AM TALKING! If you keep up with those crazy Russian songs I am so gonna go drag Barry in here to get you to stop!"

"Ah, very well. I would not like to cause incident. I will stop humming Russian songs."

"Good. Now, I was gonna-"

Germany burst through the door, dragging behind him by the arm a reluctant Italy.

"But Geeeermany, it's boooring in here... I wanna go back to Romano and Spain..."

"Nein! You have diplomatic oblegations, and you not showing up makes the whole of Europe look bad! Greece is bad enough as it is and I've already had to bail him out. I am not doing ze same with you!" He shoved Italy into a chair. "Sit down! And stay zere, for goodness sake! Now where were we?" He looked up to where all the other nations had turned to stare at him. "America, vere you saying something?"

"Um, yes. Er, so I think we should- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!"

Russia had started whistling. Smiling as he recognised the tune, France joined in.

"Noooo! I told you to stop singing your crazy Russian songs!"

"Is not Russian! Is French!" He whistled louder, joined by England who had decided to jump on the 'annoy America' bandwagon.

"So comrades, come rally, and the last fight let us face..."

"NOOO! NOT YOU TOO! I THOUGHT WE HAD A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP DAMMIT! C'mon France, you're a loyal NATO member, right? Stop it stop it stop it!" He plugged his fingers in his ears.

"What's so bad about a song? Songs are fun!"

"Italy... do you even know vat this-"

"THE LAST TIME YOU GUYS DID THIS IT GOT STUCK IN MY HEAD OKAY? I had to explain to Nixon why I was singing the International in a diplomatic treaty meeting with South Vietnam! Do you know how embarassing that was?"

"It's the Internationale. With an 'eh', Amerique."

"Whatever, don't care! Stupid commie songs! It's bad enough that Japan got obsessed with Tetris- Nooooo! Japan not you too!"

The whisting had moved on to full-blown singing in four different languages. Germany and Italy were sort of sitting there awkwardly.

"Uh, Germany... do you know the words?"

"Nein. Prussia does."

"O-oh yeah."

"GUYS THAT IS IT I AM OUT OF HERE NOW!" And with a final flourish of stomps, America stormed off in a huff, fingers still wedged in his ears. Calmly, Germany took his place at the head of the table. The singing quietened until it was just one quiet voice in the background.

"Right! Now zat idiot is out of ze way, I want everyone here to vote on ze bill I proposed earlier. We'll say America agreed because if he wanted to disagree he should have stayed in ze meeting. Italy?"

"Um, what was it again? I wasn't here..."

"Argh! Say yes!"

"Okay! I agree!"

"Russia?"

"Hmm? Fine with me as long as America doesn't weasel out of it this time."

"Britain, France?"

"Yes."

"Of course! My electricity is mostly nuclear anyway."

"Japan?"

"Hai."

"Then we have full agreement. Ze motion passes. Alright, everybody pack up and go back to your embassy. I can't stand zis meeting and you lot any longer. Dismissed."

The Nations filed out the room one by one, leaving just one sitting there singing softly. He fell silent as the last one - Japan - left the room.

"Oh Kumabeta, why do they never notice me? I had my hand up and everything."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Canada, your owner! Don't you remember me?"

"Hmm? Not really."

"Oh well... Debout, les damnés de la terre, debout, les forçats de la faim..."


End file.
